Kaland az élet

2019. május 30. 08:53 - Mokos Béla

To Suderbyn and Suderbynians

Dear Suderbyn, Ecovillage and Community,

I have left you 2 months ago. Two months, feels like years! So many things have happened already, it is hard to catch up with myself and my feelings.

I feel sentimental. I feel empowered, fulfilled and ready. This place, this people have meant so much to me, I am realizing it more and more, deeper and deeper each day. Even if I don’t contact, even if it seems, I am not paying attention, I do. I click on the FB site, I am sending my love in my meditations, I am imagining being there with YOU. with ALL OF YOU. And I know, those moments will never come back. The place is not the same, the community is not the same, if I ever go back, there always will be someone who will be missed by my heart. That ‘s why, I am just keeping and carrying you with me, in my heart, non-stop.

So much to be said and I am here, puzzled, trying to find the words…grabbing after them but they like little butterflies, are smoothing away from my hands from my mouth. I am formulating new, improvising and hoping that it will turn out authentic enough.

I am looking back now to the last year…and…it was amazing! I wish I have had this current viewpoint back then when I arrived. Everything is just so much aligned, in perspective… By time, I have learnt to appreciate people. By time, I learnt that my limits are not just too narrow mut even unconformable. By time,I learnt that my comfort zone is expendable, stretchable and it goes very very far if I give it time and patience, By time, I have learnt how to let go, how to accept, how to adapt and how to find myself amongst others, in others. How to make friends and how to keep them. How to have new, fresh eyes into everything I see for million times. How to not get lost in future fears or past, long -gone memories. How to live in the here and now.

And I am still learning. It is sometimes hard. When I don’t have the safety net of my beloved ones around and under me. When I miss serious, strict looks from a mirroring one; when people are not as much aware around me I am losing awareness as well. It is hard to keep it, hold it together, hold myself, my new self together. To not fall back into old, harmful or just simply not constructive patterns, useless desires. To be able to go on and open a new path for for myself, to step on fresh grass even if it is foggy, even if all around there is nothing else but thorny bushes.

I have adapted and being formed and transformed. And all I can say is THANK YOU. I am grateful for the experience, for my life there, in Suderbyn, in my -and I am so happy I can say that- new home, where I know, I will always be welcomed by warm-hearted, open-armed people. Who include not exclude; who invite not avoid; who challenge themselves and the society and who are walking on an alike path, hand in hand, because we are stronger together.

I cherish so many little and big memories it is hard to line and name them all of my favourite ones…there were many beautiful ones like giving each other little gifts as secret angels before Christmas; the common cooking anytime;pizza outside; going to the sea in winter without having sauna; tons of laughters; dancing in the dining room; dancing in the meditation room; bringing water from the well during the storm and having the house lightened up by candle lights; the countless hugs and emphatic looks in hard times; the common garden work; the campfire and songs around it; the pshycopractices workshop; the massages; the late-night talks in the social room; the runs to the sea; the long summer nights; the hikes on the island; the hitchhiking day trip; the Hedbergs evenings…they are all in me, this whole last year is just so vividly alive in my memories that once I open them up they are just rolling and swinging and blubbling out and there is no end to it…thanks God, I don’t want them to end, to fade, to disappear… they feed me and nourish me, enrich me and uplift me.

A year and two months ago I would have never thought that I am going to leave a collection of friends, a place I can call second home, couple of shoulders I can cry on or hug and dozen of pairs of eyes I can look into and see myself as beautiful as I am, as infinite as I am, myself, WHO I REALLY AM.

YOU ALL, in Suderbyn, taught me how to look and see myself. How to recognize myself, the true SELF in me, how to connect to it and reach other dimensions in me and in others. And there is so long way to go…

KEEP ON EXPANDING

KEEP ON LEARNING

KEEP ON CHASING YOUR DREAMS

OTHER LIFE IS POSSIBLE

THE DREAM YOU DREAM ABOUT IS POSSIBLE

THERE IS ANOTHER WORLD YOU CAN JOIN, CREATE AND ENRICH

I was not saying goodbye. And I am not going to.

I am saying thank you. And…see you. ALL. SOME TIME, SOME PLACE. WE MEET.

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing

and rightdoing there is a field.

I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass